The lost soul...

 I'm at the startin line of the rest of my life
As ready as I've ever been
Got the hunger and the stars in my eyes
The prize is mine to win...

 I am going to cry and that's just all there is to it.  I am so overwhelmed and so stressed out.  I just can't take it anymore.

I want to sit in a corner and just cry for a few days...

          I know that it has beena really long time.  I'm so sorry that I've been so horrible at keeping up with everyone.  These days it just seems like I don't have enough time to do the things that make ME happy.  In stead I spend my days making sure that everyone elses needs and wants are met.  I guess thats what I get for choosing the career field that I did, but still it gets old sometimes.
        I don't really know what to write or where to begin.  Life has been a rollercoaster of insane highs and rock-bottom lows for the last few months.  I'd just like to stay in the middle for a while and be neither happy or sad.  Life however seems to have a different set of plans for me.  I still love my job, I'm just tired.  I've never been so emotionally drained before... 
       
        I find it completely amazing how far some people will go to just become accepted by a certain group of people.  Don't get me wrong, I do understand why the feel the need to do it... I've been there.  I know what it feels like to want to feel like I'm a part of something.  I used to change myself, play games, pretend to be omeone I'm not.... but I'm so over that these days.  I don't really fit in with my coworkers, but I find myself not really caring and that is strange to me.  
        I still put up a front. Unless you are one of the 3 or 4 people that I would trust with my life you haven't seen the real me.  I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.  Sometimes I just need to be held.  Sometimes I need to be the who is being taken care of.  Sometimes I just can't deal with the world's problems until I deal with a few of my own.  I just wish others understood that.  Just because I am a psychology major does not mean I am able or willing to fix everyone's problems... I'm not a selfish person, I'm just tired or a lot.

        I hate drama, I hate people who won't do anything for themselves. I hate people who constantly whine about their lives but do absolutely nothing to try and fix them. I thought that the older people go the more responsible they were supposed to get, apparently the opposite is true.  I know children that are more responsible than some adults will ever be and that is just sad...

        Ok, I am stepping down off of my soap box now.  I don't really expect many people to have amde it this far, but to those of you who did...thanks!! I'm done ranting and bitching now and I promise that my next post will be much lighter and happier.  I also promise that it will be a lot sooner than this one was!

Love you all!!

So I got a job.  An actual 9-5 Monday through Friday, job.  What does this have to do with anything you ask?  This means that I wil actually be able to return to the internets and the world of LiveJournal.  I realize that I've been a horrible LJ friend to everyone lately, but hopefully everyone forgives me.  I have to work two more weeks at Walmart and then hopefully I will be back among the land of the living.  I hope everyone has been doing well!!
I'm off to attempt to catch up on my friends page, so i'll see you there :)
<3 Manda

I'm so sorry guys!  I haven't forgotten about all of you, I have just been insanely busy. Forgive me?? Pleeeaasseeee??? I promise that I will catch up by Monday! *hugs* I hope everyone is doing well!
<3 Manda

I'm finally home, and semi-unpacked.  I have dial-up here at home so my posts and comments may become less frequent.  As much as I love all of you, I completely despise waiting 10 minutes for a page to load!! I'll try to be online as much as I can, and I will still read everyone's posts... even if I have to flip back a page or two!!  I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend!!
God, it is good to be home!!
<3 Manda

A lot of you are new on my friends list, so I wanna know some things about you.  Some of you I have known for the last few weeks from reading your journals, but I still wanna know about you too!!  I like getting to know a little more about the people who's journals I read every day :) so.. leave me a comment including

- Your first name
- Age
- Favorite thing to do in your free time
- Biggest pet peeve
- What you do for a living
- And finally one odd/interesting fact of your choice!!

Since I am asking you to do this, I feel it's only fair that i answer them too so
My name is Amanda. I'm 23.  I love listening to music or hanging with friends in my free time. My biggest pet peeve is judgmental people.  As for what i do for a living.. I'm graduating in one week with a BA in psychology, so that has yet to be decided lol.  And one odd or interesting fact about me...I'm strangely obsessed with Star Trek..lol yes, you may all laugh now!! hehe

My computer is pretty much dying at the moment.  The fans are going bad.  Since there is only 2 weeks left of school, and it's going to take them 2 weeks to fix it, I've decided to keep it.  I have way to many things to type to not have a computer at my disposal.  So if I suddenly disappear, i will be back as soon as I can get the computer fixed!  Just wanted to let everyone know what ws going on so you didn't think that i was ignoring you!! How was everyone's weekend?

Have a good weekend everyone!!!

Silence... silence would be wonderful right about now.  My roomate and her boyfriend are going to drive me up a wall and into the ceiling before the night is over...  I guess i'm a little bitchy tonight.. oh well.
Sorry for the lack of updating, I'm just exhausted!!
love you guys!
Manda

     I was not meant to be a girl, seriously!! As much as I'm loving this whole warm weather thing, I am completely despising the fact that I have to shave my legs every damned day.  At least in the winter I could go like 2 or 3 days without shaving my legs and not feel completely gross about it.  Who the hell decided that women had to shave...argh.  Why do guys  get to have leg and armpit hair and it's cool, but gross on us.  Guys are so lucky, they get to spend about 5 minutes saving their faces over the sink (and that's only if they want to, they don't even have to), while we are forced to  hunch over in the shower shaving the majority of our bodies while pray to god that we don't slip, fall, or slice ourselves open in the process. Don't even get me started on periods or how much i hate wearing a dress!
     To the poor guys on my friends list who actually read this, I'm sorry! I'm also sorry to everyone else lol, I just hate shaving...with a passion!! I hope everyone has a good day!
<3 manda
    

So far I've lost 10 and 1/2 pounds and 12 and 1/2 inches.  I'm so excited.  Things are starting to slowly feel looser and I feel so much better, physically.  I also feel a lot better about my self.  This program has done wonders for my self-esteem these last 4 weeks.  I've still had my down moments, but things are really starting to look up for me
There really isn't a lot to talk about right now.  Sara and Phil are behind me driving me up a wall, but that's nothing new.  I just really dislike him for some reason.  I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but there is something that just seriously makes me want to slap him and tell him to go far far away.
I'm completely exhausted, so I think I'm gonna end this entry here tonight!!
<3 manda

     So I'm guessing everyone would like to know a little more about me, before I start rambling about things.  My name is Amanda and I'm 23.  I graduate college in May and while I'm not ready to dive head-first into reality, I am ready to end this chapter in my life.  I live on a small farm in the middle of nowhere Indiana and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I don't have many close friends, but the ones who are mean the world to me.  I still live with my parents and younger brother for the time being, at least until I graduate and get a decent paying job. 

     I recently joined a gym (2 and a half weeks ago), and so far I've lost 8 pounds.  I'm excited!  I've been the "chubby friend" for as long as i can remember.  Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to become a stick thin girl who never eats.  I just want to be healthy and feel healthy.  The first time I buy something from a section that isn't plus sized and this will  all be worth it to me!

    My question for the day is: How can guys be so cruel?  This doesn't pertain to every male on the face of the planet, because I know there are some good ones left, I even know a few :-)  This mainly pertains to the  one or two guys in my life who use and make me feel worthless.  If only I were a stronger person, if only I could tell them the way they make me feel.

     But on to happier things, because life definitely isn't that bad.  School is going pretty good for me right now, my grades are fantastic.  On the happiest note of them all, tomorrow is Friday.  I live for Friday's because I get to head home for the weekend to see my family and it gives me a break from the monotony of school.  Home really is where the heart is!  It's almost funny to see myself type that, because 4 years ago all I wanted to do was get as far away from home as I could and now I just want to go back!!

     I hope everyone is having a good day!  It's storming here, and I definitely wish it were sunny.  But I look at it this way, a rainy day means I can be just a little lazy and who doesn't love a lazy afternoon watching the rain fall outside your window ...   :-)

<3 Manda

So this is probably my third go at a LiveJournal.  I've deleted my last two because  I hate writing things that everyone I know can see.  I don't care if strangers know how I'm feeling. but sometimes I just really wish my friends would leave me alone.  So here's to hoping that no one I know finds this journal.  If you'd like to add me, feel free.  I need all of the love I can get!!